Figuring it out

Last night as we were discussing life back at our apartment after several drinks, I started talking to my flat mates about riding.  They asked, I didn’t just bring it up, but I found that it was difficult to share something I love so deeply with someone who didn’t know anything about it.  I found myself explaining in terms of other concepts, and especially in terms of my most recent nightstand book.  “Its not how good you are, its how good you want to be” is a short and simple book on life, and how to handle clients so you can get to where you want to be. 

While some of it seems like manipulation, many would say that’s what you need to make the client believe they are making the decisions that are best for them on their own.   The key point in our discussion last night though, was a realization that I’m surprised I’ve never had.  A simple concept changed things overnight.

Last night Allison, a flatmate, told me how lucky I am to have something I love so passionately.  This skinny, gorgeous, and fun blonde girl said she is jealous of me, because despite her amazing grades, guaranteed job offer for 70k/year upon graduation, and everything else she has going for her, she is jealous of me for having something I love as much I as love this ridiculous horse industry. 

While it seems trivial, in reality most of us don’t think about our lives critically on a regular basis.  Some think too critically on a regular basis.  Either way, it really made me realize that as much as anyone around me can try to bring me down, in the end its me who knows who I am, and I can only depend on my work ethic to get me where I want to go.  On the same note, its only me who is in control of how successful I will be.  In a society that demands mediocrity from everyone, and especially in school where its not cool to care too much, does it leave room for the rest of us?

I read through the published journal of an East London artist recently and in his doodles was this drawing.  It seems so simple, yet there is such honest truth in it.  Richard Watkins (Pen Paper Pause) is a writer who inspires, who simply wants "to add a bit of stimulation for people" (say that in a british accent), and his drawings of his thoughts so clearly state what many people forget or avoid thinking about.  Here I am rambling on in these long circular posts on how little I understand about life or what I want to do with it, and he is just able to say the things no one else says.

Anyway, I guess the point is that sometimes I feel like I fall into that five percent.  I feel like people roll their eyes when I have confidence that I will be successful in the future.  Go ahead - try to hold me back.  I won't settle for mediocrity, and I don't want to do anything less than a hundred percent.  Anyone can try to tell me I won't succeed at whatever it is I try to do, but what's that old Thomas Edison quote? "I have not failed.  I have just found 10,000 ways that don't work."  It all sort of depends on how you choose to define success in your own life.

I feel as though it's a symptom of this age to feel like you need to blaze a path, find something new and creative, and live our life according to our own rules.  Maybe thats who lives in that five percent.  The Bill Gates and Steve Jobs of the world, who are so innovative that they literally change life as we know it.

I will just continue to live in my little corner of the world though, stuck on thoughts of what the hell I want to do with my life.  Any ideas? Feel free to share